A happy marriage has long been an ideal across many human societies and civilizations, often sparking passionate discussions about love, commitment, and cultural traditions. Should we choose love marriages or arranged marriages? Is one truly better than the other, or are the differences primarily cultural? In a compelling discussion, Sadhguru offers yogic wisdom on the nature of marriage, challenging some conventional wisdom about marriage, responsibility, and long-term commitment, and shedding light on what truly determines successful marriage prospects. Whether you’re contemplating marriage or simply curious about different approaches to lifelong partnership, his insights provide a thought-provoking take on this ongoing dilemma.
“This idea, arranged marriage means some kind of a slavery—well, that depends. As there are exploitative people everywhere, sometimes your parents themselves may be exploitative, they may be doing things for their own reasons, their stupid prestige, their wealth, their nonsense. They may be doing it for those reasons . . . ”
“When I married, I did not know her full name. I did not know her father’s name. I did not know, in India, I did not know her caste or anything. When I told my father, he said, ‘What, you don’t know the father’s name? You don’t know who they are, what they are, how will you marry?’ I said, ‘I am marrying only the girl. I am not planning to marry any of the other things that usually may come with a girl. Just the girl. That’s it!’ Well, everybody thought this is a disaster. Some of my, you know, self-appointed advisors will be there, always. Though I never took anybody’s advice in my life, there’ll always be advisors. They said, ‘You are making the biggest mistake in your life. This is going to be a disaster.’ I said, ‘Whatever happens, whichever way it happens, I knew this much, it is for me either to make it a disaster or a success.’ Because who you marry, how you marry, which way it was arranged, by who it was arranged – is not important. How responsibly you exist, that is all there is . . . “
“Arranged marriage is a wrong terminology—all marriages are arranged; by whom is the only question. I think it is best it’s arranged by people who are most concerned about your well-being, who have a larger reach. Because you can’t find the best man or the best woman in the world because we don’t know where the hell they are. With limited contact that we have, what is the reasonable, good thing we can put together, that’s all it is. So the very fact that divorce rates are as they are in these different societies that I spoke about—well, the success rate is very clear. When parents are the basis of your organization, it’s a little better because they will think little long-term . . . “
“You need to understand, to fulfill your needs—physical, psychological, emotional, social, and various other needs—you are coming together. If you always remember, ‘To fulfill my needs, I am with you,’ you will conduct this responsibly. Initially you are like that. “After some time, you think he or she needs you, then you will start acting wantonly. Then of course, ugliness will start in many different ways.”
“This happened: a young man and a very young woman got engaged. So once the ring went in, the lady held his hand and said, ‘You can lean on me to share your pains, your struggles, your whatever sufferings you go through, you can always share with me.’ The guy said, ‘Well, I don’t have any struggles or pains or problems.’ Then she said, ‘Well, we are not yet married.’”
“If you think you are full of pain, struggles, problems, and you need somebody to lean on, well, there will be trouble. You make yourself into a joyful, wonderful human being, then you will see your work also will be wonderful, your home also will be wonderful, your marriage will be wonderful, everything will be wonderful, because you are! Without fixing this [yourself], you think somebody else is going to fix you, then there is going to be trouble for you and of course an unfortunate consequence for the other person.
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