An understanding of why break up or divorce hurts can start your healing process in more ways than you may realize. For however brief or long your relationship lasted, you and your partner made a union. You lived jointly.
Now, you face separation. And, whether it was your idea or not, the idea of living separately can be quite daunting. There may be feelings of pain and hurt. And, from pain and hurt it is easy to fall into resentment and anger or depression and loneliness. Instead, understanding the true nature of why you feel hurt, even if the decision to leave was your idea, can help you arrive at a place where you can live life gracefully and well. Sadhguru explains:
Memory and why breakup or divorce hurts
“You need to understand this: what you call as myself right now is a huge volume of memory. Your body is the way it is simply because of the genetic memory that it carries. What you call as ‘my mind’ is 100% memory right now. What you see, what you hear, what you smell, what you taste, what you touch, of all these five different ways of gathering memory, what you see and what you touch are the deepest forms of memory.”
“Now, two people who have shared their emotion, their body, their sensations, and their living spaces, because two memories have merged in many ways, ripping it apart is almost like tearing yourself apart. You want to keep the baggage aside, but you find the baggage is something that compulsively sticks to you.”
“Whatever sticks to you compulsively, if you try to rip it off, there will be pain. It hurts, simply because you’re trying to rip out a memory which is you. Because you are a bundle of memory, memory has built up about your spouse. You can’t just get rid of it just like that. It is not just an emotional and psychological process, it is a very physical process.”
“Now that you’ve chosen to divorce, for whatever reasons which I don’t want to delve into, you need to understand this, that divorce essentially means, you have chosen to kill something which is a part of you. Now, how to conduct this gracefully?”
Divorce gracefully
“Most people think the best way to conduct a divorce is, immediately jump into another relationship. No, you will cause much more struggle and turmoil within the system by doing that. It’s extremely important the body has enough time to keep the memory at a certain distance, otherwise you will render yourself to a space where to make yourself peaceful and joyful will become an extremely hard thing to do. So, conducting this process gracefully and well is important.”
“You’re only divorcing your spouse, you need not divorce yourself. But you need to understand this, you have already divorced yourself. Your existence has been nurtured by making a bond, a partnership to make yourself feel whole in some way. Most partnerships of this nature are made because by yourself you would feel insufficient, incomplete.”
A turning point
“It is time to turn inward and see. You’re anyway going through one divorce which could have been avoided, but it’s happening. So, you at least don’t divorce yourself from yourself. You as an existence, you as a being, don’t remain divorced from that. It is time you discover that this being is a complete being, it does not need any external assistance to be the way it is.”
“To conduct our life in a society we are interdependent, but the fundamental existence of this, the balance of what this is, the space of what this is, the possibility of what this is, is a complete process by itself. Our interdependence is only according to our external requirements, but our inner existence is complete by itself. You’re divorcing your spouse, which is bad enough; do not divorce yourself from yourself.”
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