Many of us are familiar with the feeling of being betrayed by someone we trusted, and familiar with the negative emotions such as hurt and disappointment that often come with a sense of having been betrayed. Breaking someone’s trust can lead to disrupted relationships, resentment, and even a sense of loneliness in some cases. We cannot completely control what happens to us, but when something unpleasant does happen, does that mean that suffering is our only choice, our only possible response? Will suffering change anything? As one possible alternative, do we just forgive and forget? Will that bring closure? Sadhguru, when asked how to forget someone who hurt and betrayed them and move on with their life, sheds light upon why we feel the need to forgive or forget.
Sadhguru: “I was visiting Mysore city and I was going into an apartment building to meet someone. A very petite lady, who must be over 75 years of age, with a big smile on her face. She just came to me in a very familiar way and said, “How are you doing?” I said, “Maa, I’m doing well but you know, I…” Normally, I don’t forget faces but, you know, it’s been long time since I left Mysore, I’m just wondering, “Who is this? Is it somebody that I know?” I couldn’t figure, then I did namaskaram and went on. Then, I was coming down, with the people who are living in the apartment, along with them, I’m coming down. When I came into the corridor, again this same lady comes and “Hello, how are you doing?” I thought this is little… just now she asked me, ten-fifteen minutes ago and again she’s asking me. Then, these people come and say, “Poor lady, she’s lost her memory.” I said, “She seems to be doing fine without memory.” People who are carrying their memory are torturing themselves.”
“See, if you’re forgetful, you don’t have to forgive anybody. So, when you say forget, essentially you’re wishing Mr. Alzheimer’s to visit you and he may. Don’t wish for such things. Why should you forget anything? You’re trying to forget because you don’t know the simple sense that you are suffering your memory, you’re not suffering life. If you lose this memory, what’ll happen? Let’s say, yesterday we had somebody running into a stone column in the ashram, okay? Running full speed and boom! Ah… So suppose you forget it, maybe every day you will run into it. Once you get hit by a stone column, which is not coming after you, it’s just standing there, if you forget it, every day you’ll smash your face.”
“So, whatever you’re running into in your life, if you forget, you will keep running into it. So, don’t forget one damn thing in your life, especially if they’re unpleasant things, you should never forget, but now you ferment. Memory is there for your use, but you ferment the memory and now the brewing happens and it builds up within you and creates bitterness. You don’t know how to keep your memory. So, you’re thinking, “Let me forget.” What if they grant you a visit from Mr. Alzheimer’s, will you be happy that you forgot all your bitterness?”
“When unpleasant things happen to you, it’s your choice, either to become wounded or wise. You choose to become wounded and then try to forget the wound. Do one thing. See, something that you want to remember, you cannot remember. Something that you want to forget, you cannot forget. Is that so? Hello? So, I’m saying you’ve not organized this properly. So, this is the nature of the mind. You… without understanding a damn thing about yourself, you’re trying to blunder through life. That is the problem. The problem is not with your life situations.”
“So, one thing is, there is no need to forget, you must remember everything. Another thing is forgive. If you first of all think this person has done something horrible, then you try to forgive. If you don’t label them like that, where is the need to forgive? If you accept people for what they are, different people are made differently. If you want to work with ideal people, you must go to heaven and today usually, ideal people are all dead people, isn’t it? Somebody that you had so many problems with, the moment they died, “Ohh!” Tch. “How wonderful they were!” Dead are always wonderful. The living who come with a mixed package, what you can get out of it, how can you make the best out of it, that is the whole challenge of life.”
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