How to Deal with an Exploitative Spouse

Click the play button below to watch the video.

The Full Transcription of This Video is Below…

How to Deal with an Exploitative Spouse

Sadhguru – how to connect on self when you have a very exploited spouse?

You talking about how to connect him or yourself?

Myself.

No, actually, you want to know how to fix him, right?

No Sadhguru.

This is very important. I’m particularly talking to you. Please sit down. It’s really important that we are straight with life. Understand? What you want is your husband fixed, but because you’re sitting in front of me, you’re saying, “Sadhguru, how do I fix myself to fit into this exploitation?” Which is not the truth. You want to know how to fix the man. Yes or no? Please tell me, all the ladies.

If you perceive him, we don’t know what he is – we are not talking about your husband. I don’t know what he is, but if you perceive him as exploitative, obviously you want to fix him. Isn’t it? If you perceive yourself as a problematic wife then maybe some thought about “Maybe I want to fix myself,” will come up. When you perceive somebody as exploitative, the intention is to fix them. Isn’t it?

But we don’t want to be straight about that because the culture tells you fixing your husband is not a good thing. You must fix yourself. If you get a headache, go for a foot surgery then the foot will be aching more than the head. Kind of fixed. At least your attention is gone. It’s time. If you are concerned about life, it’s time that we are 100% straight. At least with ourselves. Maybe in the world, we don’t know what provision you have, what situations you have. We don’t know how straight you can be. I will not interfere with that, but at least with yourself, you must be 100% straight. Very important.

Otherwise, neither yourself nor your life situations will ever get fixed. Complaining and going on. Life will be a life-long complaint for a whole lot of people because they don’t want to address it. They want to beat around it, so husband-fixing problem we must do. No, we have fixed a whole lot of them because they became meditative, and suddenly, their exploitative nature went away because now they’re busy with something else. I don’t want to get into a personal situation right now here, but you must bring meditativeness into you and into your family. This is something we have to invest into life now. If you’re not able to fix your husband, at least you must have a wish that the next generations of husbands are not exploitative.

If you’re interested in that, you must make sure your little boy that you have right now, you must fix him now with some meditation. Meditation is not about fixing him against something. It is just that meditativeness means to become in such a way that you’re not the source of the problem. Wherever you are, you’re a solution. You’re not a problem. If you become a solution, everybody will want you wherever you are. Isn’t it? Whether it’s your workplace, your family, on the street, wherever, whoever seems like a solution, that person everybody wants.

Either you’re a problem or you’re one who complains about problems. Nobody wants to see your face. You must notice. But if you’re a solution, everybody wants you everywhere, including your husband. He will desperately want you if you are a solution to his life. It’s important. Not just you as a person. I’m saying everybody, it’s important we understand. We need to understand. If we don’t make this piece of life a pleasant piece of life first of all. It’s a fundamental thing. If you do this, after that you decide, whether you need marriage, you don’t need marriage. You need children, you don’t need children – all of these things you decide later. When this is miserable, you have no business to multiply it. Yes or no?

Misery; I can’t get along with my husband. I can’t get along with my wife. Already children, children, children coming. Why? If you cannot get along, how is this happening? Because we have children to live unconsciously. I’m not saying live this way or that way. Whatever the hell you do, you do it by choice unconsciously. That’s all. Knowing the full implications of what it means. That mental responsibility everybody must take. If you do not bring into this, you will be a life-long complaint. I will not tell you how to deal with your marriage. You bring this much into your life. Before marriage; “No, , I didn’t want, but my parents, you know … I got married.” After marriage; “I don’t want to live in this marriage, but my children, you know?”

After the children have grown up – “But you know, I have to wait for my grandchildren.” See, you have made yourself in such a way that you are a a result of a unconscious process. You’re not a result of conscious process. When you are a result of an unconscious process, you’re bound to be a miserable accident. Yes, it’s time, every human being takes responsibility to at least change this much. Then we can talk about big things reaching the peak of your consciousness, do unto these words. Simply. Don’t utter these words. Fix the fundamentals. The fundamentals are just this: wherever the hell you are right now, it’s yours.

Either you must have the courage to change it or you must learn to settle into it. Either you must have the courage to change it, or you must learn to settle into it. One of these things you must do. Simply endless complaint for the rest of your life is no good. It is just that we must understand if we are in a certain state, everything feels like it’s against us. You fix this. After that, you decide which way your life should be.

You stay, there’s a consequence. You get out, there’s a consequence. Everything there is a consequence, but at least let it be a conscious consequence instead of being a helpless unconscious state of existence.