Dealing with the Loss of a Loved One

Losing a loved one is a painful and heart-wrenching event. When someone who is dear to you is taken away, it is natural to suffer, yet it is also necessary to find a way to overcome these feelings of helplessness and despondency as time passes. Sadhguru responds to a question from a grieving parent about dealing with the loss of his young son. 

Sadhguru: “Once upon a time, there was a woman. She had a family—her husband and three young boys. One day, her husband died. She became very grief-stricken. Naturally, when someone dear to you dies, the few that are left become even more precious, and you tend to cling to them harder than before. So, she hung on to her three children as her life. A year later, the eldest boy died. Another year passed, and the second one died. Now, with only one child left, she clung to him like he was her very life. Then, one day, this last boy also died. She lost her mind completely with grief. Unable to endure it, she took the little boy’s body in her hands and went to Gautama, the Buddha.”

Sadhguru: “She said to Gautama, “You and all your spirituality—it means nothing unless you can bring this boy to life.” Gautama looked at the woman. He knew she was in such an inflamed state of emotion that whatever he said would not get across. So Gautama said, “Let us do it.” He said, “Go out into the village. From a house where there has been no death, bring me a few sesame seeds.” The woman, carrying the boy’s body, went from house to house, desperately searching for a household untouched by death. After going through the entire town, she realized that not a single home had escaped death. She did what she had to do with the boy’s body and then came back to Gautama. She sat in front of him and said, “Now, it doesn’t matter,” and remained there with him for the rest of her life.”

Sadhguru: “What happened to her? Why is it that Gautama, having so much mastery over life, could not infuse life into that little body?  It could have been done. It can be done—if the body is still ready to receive something. There are too many stories from the West about raising the dead. Repeatedly, when anything miraculous happened around Jesus and people accused him of performing miracles, he clearly said, “It’s not me. It’s you.” So, whatever you think is a miracle is often a misunderstanding of life. Now, it so happens in life that sometimes either we die before our parents or our children die before us. It is not something anyone wants to see. But if such a thing does happen, how do we go beyond this grief? When we talk about going beyond something, it is not about forgetting it. You cannot forget your child. But the fact of life is: that which slips beyond the realm of what you call life right now, once it crosses that boundary, it is no longer yours. It may make logical sense, but still, the grief may not go away.  And it is not with any insensitivity that I say this—but it is time to accept things as they are. It is time to look back and cherish what has been, and time to look forward and consider what you can do with the life that remains.’’

Sadhguru: “There is plenty of opportunity for you to express the love and care you have within. If you don’t, your grief will remain forever. For one son you lost, take up ten as your own. Find full expression for your love and fatherhood. Then, your son’s memory can become the foundation to make your life much more beautiful than it ever could have been with just one son. You could make it like that. But you must take that step. What is happening within us—no matter the cause—is still being created by us. If we are willing, we can change that too. And as long as you’re alive, it is important that you see how to contribute to the living.”